Fear of Witnessing

I am smack in the middle of the most amazing experience any Christian can have. I am seeing a life transform. I am seeing it on a personal level, as a close friend, with an opportunity to talk about it, answer questions and concerns, and share God's love. I can't believe that I've been honored to be used as an instrument in God's hands. But more than anything, I can't believe that I haven't trusted God earlier to surrender for His use in other people's lives.

I've been restricted -- restricted by traditions, restricted by religious close mindedness, but most of all, restricted by my own fear -- not exactly sure of what, but probably of people's opinion more than anything else. I've read through chapter 6 of Ephesians many a time, the one where Paul talks about the Armor of God. Every time I've checked off each piece except one. Righteousness -- can work on, but check. Faith -- check. Truth -- check. Salvation -- check. Word of God and prayer -- check. In no way was I ever ready for the gospel -- the "shoes" of the armor. It was ironic, because I even heard a sermon that compared missing that piece to "Achilles Heel" where the serpent strikes for the deadly blow. It added additional fear of being struck down to fear of man already present. But it didn't remove the binding.

I've meditated on the topic for years. I've felt guilty and every time determined to share the gospel with someone. But once reality hit, I just never got up enough courage to talk to that stranger on the bus sitting next to me about Jesus. Nowhere else did I have any close contact with none-Christians. I was surrounded by people who grew up in church and already shared my faith, or knew about it better than I did and chose to stay away. Until I moved to Seattle.

I've been placed in a situation where I can develop close relationships with all kinds of people now. Being removed from traditionalism has opened doors for the gospel, once, with some encouragement from my Christian friends, I realized that I have nothing to lose in sharing my faith while people are really searching for the truth and needing God! From then on, I've been open with every single person I met with for coffee or for lunch about what I believe in. No compromising. I just simply stated that Jesus is such a big part of my life that there's no way I could "respectfully" avoid talking about Him, because apart from Him I am nothing. And they understood! Moreover, they listened. And soon I realized that even devout atheists are really just bound by underlying fears. That people are open to genuine love and care about them, which is what Jesus commanded us to do.

I also saw that God comes through in amazing ways. That miraculously he places people exactly at the right places at the right times. That conversations and unanswered questions are covered almost immediately from the pulpit. That barriers that seemed impenetrable fall down once He works on hearts and opens them up. And that assumptions that we make about people based on the fronts that they so carefully put up are worth nothing in His eyes because He sees the depth of the hearts. And loves each and every person more than we could ever love or care for them.
This is an amazing experience, and I truly wish that every Christian could live through it. It's encouraging, and it reveals God's character in a completely new light. It also brings yet another new freedom -- from guilt in front of God, and from fear of man. It's amazing. It's exciting. It's exhilarating. It's what we live for because it's what Christ died for.