Last night was amazing. I am blessed to be part of a prayer group in which we openly talk about our lives and problems and pray over each other. Due to an unexpected increase in traffic to my profile yesterday, I suddenly realized that what I write on my blogs is also a ministry that I need to pray for and dedicate to God, acknowledging Him in all my ways. The prayer that one of the girls said for that ministry was convicting for me. She asked God to speak through me and touch others' lives, so that my posts won't be based even on personal experience, but on His word, and His inspiration.
I don't believe she meant using situations from the past as examples. It seems more likely that my unresolved feelings of resentment towards certain people might have taken over the voice of the Lord in some of my writing. So I would like to apologize for that being the case. I will not take anything I wrote off my blog. I believe that the bad feelings we work through are also part of our walk with Christ, and people need to know that everyone faces challenges and isn't perfect. I also believe that sometimes our passionate jealousy for the truth of God's word isn't a bad thing, and needs to be expressed, even if it might go against tradition and generally accepted views.
I would like to own up to having resentment in my heart though. I actually just discovered it for certain people last week. For the past two or three years I've been stifling my resentment and trying to forget about those people and their actions, but a miniscule comment made it all rush back, overtaking my mind like a river that suddenly floods. What I needed to do all these years is not hide my resentment. I needed to bring it to God, confess it as a sin, and ask for forgiveness and help to work through it! God has done an amazing job of restoring my life in every single aspect of it. He continues to work. And boy does He have a lot to work on. Things from the past have been coming back to me lately. Feelings that need to be dealt with once and for all have been surfacing out of nowhere. It's difficult, but I am learning to fully rely on the Holy Spirit, and it's with His power that I deal with those feelings, not my own. (Obviously my own power only made them go away for a little bit.)
I'm not sure exactly what steps I need to take to have peace about certain situations that took place in my life. But it's one more thing that I'm praying about, and I believe that He will direct my path. Because nothing is impossible for God, and He can heal a broken heart and fill it with love for EVERYONE.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
God Talking
I don't even know where to start describing to you the last twenty-four hours of my life. All I can say is that God has been talking and answering prayer, in the most awesome, unimaginable, and direct ways ever. He has also been showing His LOVE. And pouring an abundance of it into my life, as well as the life of those people close to me.
Ever since I came back from my hometown of Latvia, I've been praying specifically for the desire to Worship in my heart to come to fruitition. I've been praying for getting the right resources, meeting the right people, and ending up at the right places to be able to make what's in my head come to life. Yesterday God answered part of that prayer. I was blessed to attend a Mars Hill small group, that will probably end up being home for a long time. When we were voicing our prayer requests, the darling person who invited me there turned to me and asked if I have a keyboard at my new place. After figuring out that I don't, he immediately offered me one -- apparently sitting in his garage with no use for a while! Immediate answer to prayer? I think so! (And boy is that keyboard about to become useful for Christ!)
While reading my bible at night before bed, the verse that God gave me, written in Psalm 57:7 can be paraphrased in this way: "My heart is ready! So I will worship and sing You praises!" Could He be MORE direct in regards to what's going on in my life? My heart IS ready! And He is loving enough to point out that He noticed and cares!
This morning my friend and I were discussing the goodness of God and how when He talks He speaks DIRECTLY to people. I was voicing some concerns about His calling in my life, and the exact next steps I need to take -- especially in regards to the aforementioned music ministry. Upon returning to my computer, I saw a message from a friend back in Latvia, asking me for guitar chords of a specific song that the Holy Spirit gave me and I sang at my home church. God couldn't be more specific in His direction! He truly directs your path if you acknowledge Him and specifically ask for it!
Other things have happened that either I or the small groups I am in have been praying for recently. Basically, the power of God is moving RIGHT NOW, and it's not a cliché! He is talking to many people right this moment, seeking ways to show His love for every single person living on this earth! And filling His children with that supernatural love and joy so that they can share it with everyone around. God is doing His work and speaking His word! All you gotta do is LISTEN and seek Him out!
Ever since I came back from my hometown of Latvia, I've been praying specifically for the desire to Worship in my heart to come to fruitition. I've been praying for getting the right resources, meeting the right people, and ending up at the right places to be able to make what's in my head come to life. Yesterday God answered part of that prayer. I was blessed to attend a Mars Hill small group, that will probably end up being home for a long time. When we were voicing our prayer requests, the darling person who invited me there turned to me and asked if I have a keyboard at my new place. After figuring out that I don't, he immediately offered me one -- apparently sitting in his garage with no use for a while! Immediate answer to prayer? I think so! (And boy is that keyboard about to become useful for Christ!)
While reading my bible at night before bed, the verse that God gave me, written in Psalm 57:7 can be paraphrased in this way: "My heart is ready! So I will worship and sing You praises!" Could He be MORE direct in regards to what's going on in my life? My heart IS ready! And He is loving enough to point out that He noticed and cares!
This morning my friend and I were discussing the goodness of God and how when He talks He speaks DIRECTLY to people. I was voicing some concerns about His calling in my life, and the exact next steps I need to take -- especially in regards to the aforementioned music ministry. Upon returning to my computer, I saw a message from a friend back in Latvia, asking me for guitar chords of a specific song that the Holy Spirit gave me and I sang at my home church. God couldn't be more specific in His direction! He truly directs your path if you acknowledge Him and specifically ask for it!
Other things have happened that either I or the small groups I am in have been praying for recently. Basically, the power of God is moving RIGHT NOW, and it's not a cliché! He is talking to many people right this moment, seeking ways to show His love for every single person living on this earth! And filling His children with that supernatural love and joy so that they can share it with everyone around. God is doing His work and speaking His word! All you gotta do is LISTEN and seek Him out!
A Sheltered Life
Facebook is great! No matter what legalists living in the stone age say, it's a great tool to communicate with friends all over the place, as well as find out certain things about yourself. I just took one of those "analyzing your friends stats" quizzes, which brought me confirmation of what I already knew. And that is, that most Christians are living a sheltered life within their church, unwilling or unable to get out of the bubble and love the "outside" world.
Basically one of the stats in the quiz was a breakdown of your friends' political views. The ones I've seen posted by Christian acquaintances have been ridiculously similar so far. 75%+ republicans. The best was 92%. (And yes, I am aware that it depends on where they live. That's what makes it so shocking! "They," for the most part, live in WA, RI and NY! Where do you even FIND so many republicans to be friends with in those states?!) From this demographic breakdown it is evident not that most republicans are Christian, but that most Christians are republican! It further shows that they are more willing to associate with others who are of "like mind" and are terrified of venturing out of their comfort zone. Here's why that's bad:
Not only do democrats not bite and are actually great people when you get to know and love them, but my darling Christian republicans -- you are getting no experience standing up for your faith! It's SO easy to hold up certain values and beliefs when everyone you surround yourself with thinks the same way and supports you 100% (wait... 92%. My bad.) Try doing it when you're alone.
Please bare with me while I selfishly use this quiz to alleviate myself of guilt that the devil has been using to oppress me. For a long time I've been tripping over the fact that when I end up having to stand up for my faith, it's always so difficult for me to do. I've struggled with guilt over situations when I've passed on opportunities to witness to people because of fear. I've also felt guilty about being afraid to publish certain values and beliefs that I uphold. You see, I always thought that it's wrong that I don't speak out as easily as others do, and that there's always an internal struggle that has to go on before I open my mouth or strike the keys. But now I see that I was horribly harsh on myself. Because my demographics showed that I'm friends with 73% democrats and 27% republicans! Which means that I have approximately 50% more chance of being scorned for what I uphold than an average Christian. I know that it's selfish, but I'm just gonna be happy about my discovery now because condemnation of guilt is freaken awesome!
It also explains in a way why I don't ever feel like I fit into any particular church. Apparently I don't get along well with republicans. :) Of course, you can easily turn it around and say bad things about me based on these stats. But I'm just gonna let you come up with them yourself and not put ideas in your head.
Disclaimer: This post is not intended to say that being a republican or a democrat is bad or good. I did not say I was either democrat or republican, so don't assume things. The post makes no claims that democrats can't be Christian or Christians can't be democrats. I love (SO much) the people who hold both democratic and republican views, as well as everyone in between!
Basically one of the stats in the quiz was a breakdown of your friends' political views. The ones I've seen posted by Christian acquaintances have been ridiculously similar so far. 75%+ republicans. The best was 92%. (And yes, I am aware that it depends on where they live. That's what makes it so shocking! "They," for the most part, live in WA, RI and NY! Where do you even FIND so many republicans to be friends with in those states?!) From this demographic breakdown it is evident not that most republicans are Christian, but that most Christians are republican! It further shows that they are more willing to associate with others who are of "like mind" and are terrified of venturing out of their comfort zone. Here's why that's bad:
Not only do democrats not bite and are actually great people when you get to know and love them, but my darling Christian republicans -- you are getting no experience standing up for your faith! It's SO easy to hold up certain values and beliefs when everyone you surround yourself with thinks the same way and supports you 100% (wait... 92%. My bad.) Try doing it when you're alone.
Please bare with me while I selfishly use this quiz to alleviate myself of guilt that the devil has been using to oppress me. For a long time I've been tripping over the fact that when I end up having to stand up for my faith, it's always so difficult for me to do. I've struggled with guilt over situations when I've passed on opportunities to witness to people because of fear. I've also felt guilty about being afraid to publish certain values and beliefs that I uphold. You see, I always thought that it's wrong that I don't speak out as easily as others do, and that there's always an internal struggle that has to go on before I open my mouth or strike the keys. But now I see that I was horribly harsh on myself. Because my demographics showed that I'm friends with 73% democrats and 27% republicans! Which means that I have approximately 50% more chance of being scorned for what I uphold than an average Christian. I know that it's selfish, but I'm just gonna be happy about my discovery now because condemnation of guilt is freaken awesome!
It also explains in a way why I don't ever feel like I fit into any particular church. Apparently I don't get along well with republicans. :) Of course, you can easily turn it around and say bad things about me based on these stats. But I'm just gonna let you come up with them yourself and not put ideas in your head.
Disclaimer: This post is not intended to say that being a republican or a democrat is bad or good. I did not say I was either democrat or republican, so don't assume things. The post makes no claims that democrats can't be Christian or Christians can't be democrats. I love (SO much) the people who hold both democratic and republican views, as well as everyone in between!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Music Musings
My friend's visit two weekends ago has blessed me in more than one way. Contemplations of those blessings will probably be evident in my writing for weeks to come. One of the major things she did is remind me, for the umpteenth time, about my dedication to keep the music I listen to clean. Now, this project is a lifetime endeavor. I have struggled with it for YEARS. But every time the battle becomes easier and easier to win. The enemy though, never ceases to amaze me with all sorts of new methods of attack! Conversely, God is always great in providing the strength for winning each and every single one of them. It's true that the only way to win those battles is to let the Holy Spirit fight for you instead of doing it on your own! But one of the major thoughts that has helped me in this fight, as well as others, is that Jesus already won the battle on the cross! We are no slaves to sin now. We actually have the power and the choice to say no to it!
But back to music I go. The first time I heard the call of the Spirit to give up all secular music, I was shocked. I was definitely not prepared to do so right away either. I struggled with the thought for a couple years, before I finally gave in one day. Yes. YEARS. Don't judge me. You have no idea how much I love music. Love is not even the word. I am jealous about music. I am jealous about its quality, harmony, melody and rhythm. And would you PLEASE finally admit that there is WAY less quality Christian music available than secular one. And keep in mind that my narrow-minded self only likes rap, hip-hop and R&B, and not so much rock and alternative -- the directions most popular Christian artists tend to choose.
Especially in Russian churches, a popular belief is that we should worship God in "simplicity and humility". Making music that requires a little more thought, work, talent, or education, is generally frowned upon. As a result, Russian music is for the most part at least a couple decades behind modern technology used to create soundtracks and to record. There are, of course, notable exceptions. But I can probably name all of them off the top of my head. And five fingers would be enough to finish counting. (If you know something I don't know, PLEASE do tell. I am most certainly still on the lookout for good Russian Christian music!)
American music is of course more widely available, but still doesn't even compare in its amounts to what the world has to offer. This said, of course it took me forever to finally give in to the call of the Spirit to give up my HUGE music collection and narrow it down to just Christian artists, which constituted about 1/20th of it. But one day I did it -- erasing everything secular I had in i-tunes, and destroying any secular cd's that I owned. Difficult? You bet! But what relief I remember feeling after I was done! It always feels GOOD to finally obey God. It's never easy though.
A clean i-pod though, as good as it was of a start, was just a start. On days a bad mood struck, I would find myself rushing to the radio stations, abundantly fruitful in supplying "instant fix" music that filled the soul for a couple days, but left me more empty in the long run, as well as more distant from God. Friends back then definitely didn't share my conviction to clean up the music act, making avoiding it even more difficult. What's the point of having a clean i-pod if you are spending more than half your life in cars with people who are dedicated to making theirs filthy? And no, my weak attempts to influence their decisions brought no results -- just utter annoyance, which I actually shared deep deep deep down. It was like trying to quit smoking while living in the smoke room. Pretty soon I was back in the rut -- listening to whatever I wanted to. God, of course, worked through that road block as well -- in a painful way that you've all read about (or can read about in my post http://blogaboutfaith.blogspot.com/2009/09/faithful-friend.html).
But the enemy is only too resourceful. I soon found myself browsing youtube for music to serve as background while I accomplished meaningless data-entry tasks [that I have way too many of] at work. Since it wasn't i-pod or radio, I felt free to listen to whatever I want. (Don't you LOVE my logic? hehe) And then I found myself wondering why God felt distant. Of course, being as loving as He is, He showed me, once again, what the problem was. And once again I struggled to choose to give the music up. This rollercoaster has been going on since the first time I decided to dedicate my ears to God. But once again, it's been easier and easier to win every time. It takes way less time to realize now that I'm back to where I started. The internal struggle takes a lot less effort. So if you are going through something similar, please don't feel discouraged! PLEASE choose to obey God in this again and again, no matter how many times you get off track.
Let me tell you why. What you listen to has an enormous spiritual impact and influence over your life. That's why it can have such a strong hold on you and be so difficult to give up. The catch is that the spiritual part of it will want you back once you give up on it. So after you decide to get closer to God, it will attack you. For me, it's always very scarily, close to being literal. The enemy wants you to think that you will only feel comfortable when you are back to listening to all you want. But it's a lie. Because when it has a strong grip on you, it can torment you in ways that God will NEVER allow when you are in direct communication with Him. Sounds scary? It was terrifying for me.
For years, I would wake up at night, in panic and cold sweat because I felt aware that something/someone else was in the same room with me. Once awake, memories of stories heard as a child about seeing spiritual beings, as well as images from the only horror film I've ever seen (by accident too. Knowing about this phenomenon in my life, I knew to stay away at all costs.) would rush through my mind. I would lay paralyzed and mute, afraid to move or take a breath, praying in my head with all my might for God's protection over my house, my room, my bed, my body, and my mind. It took forever to link this fear to the music that I listened to. But once I realized it, giving up music didn't feel any easier for some reason. But finally doing so, in collaboration with each room in our house being prayed over before we moved in, made the episodes completely go away.
Right now I actually often feel the opposite way. Once I give up the music, the enemy attacks. Not nearly as strongly as before. But I start feeling depressed, incomplete, and fearful, and it takes a while to get through. What I know though, is that all the devil wants is for me to go back to the comfort zone of the music instead of running to God for protection, identity and joy. He wants the control he had through that music back in my life. And what I know is that I don't want it back in my life. True, it gives temporary satisfaction, but in the long run the effects are terrifying. If you are not feeling them, it only means that the enemy has numbed you. It DOES effect your life. In ways you don't even know. Maybe I was just blessed enough to feel those attacks in a more concrete way and to realize that it IS affecting me (no that I would want those "blessings" back by any means...)
For the millionth time, I am declaring that I give up listening to secular music. I hope this is the last time that lasts for good, but I don't want to be cocky. I am relying entirely on the Holy Spirit for strength to do this, and it's still not that easy. But I'd like to thank my girl Diana for encouraging me to do this once again. At least now I know that I'm not the only "weirdo" who thinks that God is serious in His call to keep what we listen to clean and destroy everything that's not. I have a lot of respect for you girl, and now you'll know that I totally understand what you went through by cleaning up your cd's. And all the rest of you... clean them up. Don't let the devil have a channel through which he controls your mind. It's not something to play with. It's something that can turn your life into a horror film.
But back to music I go. The first time I heard the call of the Spirit to give up all secular music, I was shocked. I was definitely not prepared to do so right away either. I struggled with the thought for a couple years, before I finally gave in one day. Yes. YEARS. Don't judge me. You have no idea how much I love music. Love is not even the word. I am jealous about music. I am jealous about its quality, harmony, melody and rhythm. And would you PLEASE finally admit that there is WAY less quality Christian music available than secular one. And keep in mind that my narrow-minded self only likes rap, hip-hop and R&B, and not so much rock and alternative -- the directions most popular Christian artists tend to choose.
Especially in Russian churches, a popular belief is that we should worship God in "simplicity and humility". Making music that requires a little more thought, work, talent, or education, is generally frowned upon. As a result, Russian music is for the most part at least a couple decades behind modern technology used to create soundtracks and to record. There are, of course, notable exceptions. But I can probably name all of them off the top of my head. And five fingers would be enough to finish counting. (If you know something I don't know, PLEASE do tell. I am most certainly still on the lookout for good Russian Christian music!)
American music is of course more widely available, but still doesn't even compare in its amounts to what the world has to offer. This said, of course it took me forever to finally give in to the call of the Spirit to give up my HUGE music collection and narrow it down to just Christian artists, which constituted about 1/20th of it. But one day I did it -- erasing everything secular I had in i-tunes, and destroying any secular cd's that I owned. Difficult? You bet! But what relief I remember feeling after I was done! It always feels GOOD to finally obey God. It's never easy though.
A clean i-pod though, as good as it was of a start, was just a start. On days a bad mood struck, I would find myself rushing to the radio stations, abundantly fruitful in supplying "instant fix" music that filled the soul for a couple days, but left me more empty in the long run, as well as more distant from God. Friends back then definitely didn't share my conviction to clean up the music act, making avoiding it even more difficult. What's the point of having a clean i-pod if you are spending more than half your life in cars with people who are dedicated to making theirs filthy? And no, my weak attempts to influence their decisions brought no results -- just utter annoyance, which I actually shared deep deep deep down. It was like trying to quit smoking while living in the smoke room. Pretty soon I was back in the rut -- listening to whatever I wanted to. God, of course, worked through that road block as well -- in a painful way that you've all read about (or can read about in my post http://blogaboutfaith.blogspot.com/2009/09/faithful-friend.html).
But the enemy is only too resourceful. I soon found myself browsing youtube for music to serve as background while I accomplished meaningless data-entry tasks [that I have way too many of] at work. Since it wasn't i-pod or radio, I felt free to listen to whatever I want. (Don't you LOVE my logic? hehe) And then I found myself wondering why God felt distant. Of course, being as loving as He is, He showed me, once again, what the problem was. And once again I struggled to choose to give the music up. This rollercoaster has been going on since the first time I decided to dedicate my ears to God. But once again, it's been easier and easier to win every time. It takes way less time to realize now that I'm back to where I started. The internal struggle takes a lot less effort. So if you are going through something similar, please don't feel discouraged! PLEASE choose to obey God in this again and again, no matter how many times you get off track.
Let me tell you why. What you listen to has an enormous spiritual impact and influence over your life. That's why it can have such a strong hold on you and be so difficult to give up. The catch is that the spiritual part of it will want you back once you give up on it. So after you decide to get closer to God, it will attack you. For me, it's always very scarily, close to being literal. The enemy wants you to think that you will only feel comfortable when you are back to listening to all you want. But it's a lie. Because when it has a strong grip on you, it can torment you in ways that God will NEVER allow when you are in direct communication with Him. Sounds scary? It was terrifying for me.
For years, I would wake up at night, in panic and cold sweat because I felt aware that something/someone else was in the same room with me. Once awake, memories of stories heard as a child about seeing spiritual beings, as well as images from the only horror film I've ever seen (by accident too. Knowing about this phenomenon in my life, I knew to stay away at all costs.) would rush through my mind. I would lay paralyzed and mute, afraid to move or take a breath, praying in my head with all my might for God's protection over my house, my room, my bed, my body, and my mind. It took forever to link this fear to the music that I listened to. But once I realized it, giving up music didn't feel any easier for some reason. But finally doing so, in collaboration with each room in our house being prayed over before we moved in, made the episodes completely go away.
Right now I actually often feel the opposite way. Once I give up the music, the enemy attacks. Not nearly as strongly as before. But I start feeling depressed, incomplete, and fearful, and it takes a while to get through. What I know though, is that all the devil wants is for me to go back to the comfort zone of the music instead of running to God for protection, identity and joy. He wants the control he had through that music back in my life. And what I know is that I don't want it back in my life. True, it gives temporary satisfaction, but in the long run the effects are terrifying. If you are not feeling them, it only means that the enemy has numbed you. It DOES effect your life. In ways you don't even know. Maybe I was just blessed enough to feel those attacks in a more concrete way and to realize that it IS affecting me (no that I would want those "blessings" back by any means...)
For the millionth time, I am declaring that I give up listening to secular music. I hope this is the last time that lasts for good, but I don't want to be cocky. I am relying entirely on the Holy Spirit for strength to do this, and it's still not that easy. But I'd like to thank my girl Diana for encouraging me to do this once again. At least now I know that I'm not the only "weirdo" who thinks that God is serious in His call to keep what we listen to clean and destroy everything that's not. I have a lot of respect for you girl, and now you'll know that I totally understand what you went through by cleaning up your cd's. And all the rest of you... clean them up. Don't let the devil have a channel through which he controls your mind. It's not something to play with. It's something that can turn your life into a horror film.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Encouraging Your Leaders
I was utterly shocked to hear that pastor Mark Driscoll actually read my blog. That's exciting, unexpected, surprising, revolutionary... But most of all, it's a revelation. Because the only reason he even knows about it is because I wrote him a message on facebook thanking him for inspiring me to start it. Which I would've never done, if my mom didn't prompt me by saying "You should let him know. Leaders always need encouragement."
To say that Pastor Mark is phenomenal would be a great understatement. But this situation made me realize that even phenomenal people might not realize that others think this way about them. (Who knew important Pastor Mark actually reads what people write on his facebook?) What they need is for us to let them know! The bible urges us to pray for our leaders. That would be everyone at work, church, and running the country/state/city. I would like to urge you to also let them know that you are praying for them, and that you think they're doing a great job.
Think you're not significant enough for your opinion to matter? You are wrong. A few words of encouragement can mean a day of effectiveness and productivity vs. a day of sulkiness and depression. The point is, that it doesn't take long to say or write a genuine note of thanks to a person, letting them know they've inspired you in some way, or simply that they're doing a good job. For them, it means the world.
Having been in ministry for a long time, I know how much words can mean. Too often, especially in Christian circles, we take all the time in the world to criticize someone else's work. Too seldom, we take a moment to encourage them. Too often, a minister or worker dedicates their life to a service in church going off nothing but the promise that God gave them that He will be with them at all times. But how much easier and more energetic would those people be if they had no doubt in their mind that someone needs the work they do!
I can't count the times I've been in tears because of certain situations touching my ministry. When it was regarding a kids group that I was blessed to work with for 2 years, what got me through is a collection of drawings that I've accumulated from those girls, letting me know that they love me and that I'm part of their life. Unfortunately, I had no similar collection to help me in any ministry involving grown-ups, which might be the reason why I was very eager to let it go when God released me from it.
Think of someone you respect and whose work you value in church, work, or any other area of life. Realize that they don't know that it means something to you. Let them know.
To say that Pastor Mark is phenomenal would be a great understatement. But this situation made me realize that even phenomenal people might not realize that others think this way about them. (Who knew important Pastor Mark actually reads what people write on his facebook?) What they need is for us to let them know! The bible urges us to pray for our leaders. That would be everyone at work, church, and running the country/state/city. I would like to urge you to also let them know that you are praying for them, and that you think they're doing a great job.
Think you're not significant enough for your opinion to matter? You are wrong. A few words of encouragement can mean a day of effectiveness and productivity vs. a day of sulkiness and depression. The point is, that it doesn't take long to say or write a genuine note of thanks to a person, letting them know they've inspired you in some way, or simply that they're doing a good job. For them, it means the world.
Having been in ministry for a long time, I know how much words can mean. Too often, especially in Christian circles, we take all the time in the world to criticize someone else's work. Too seldom, we take a moment to encourage them. Too often, a minister or worker dedicates their life to a service in church going off nothing but the promise that God gave them that He will be with them at all times. But how much easier and more energetic would those people be if they had no doubt in their mind that someone needs the work they do!
I can't count the times I've been in tears because of certain situations touching my ministry. When it was regarding a kids group that I was blessed to work with for 2 years, what got me through is a collection of drawings that I've accumulated from those girls, letting me know that they love me and that I'm part of their life. Unfortunately, I had no similar collection to help me in any ministry involving grown-ups, which might be the reason why I was very eager to let it go when God released me from it.
Think of someone you respect and whose work you value in church, work, or any other area of life. Realize that they don't know that it means something to you. Let them know.
Monday, September 21, 2009
"Abortion is a sin. It's a sin of murder. "
I don't really know what to say about this, other than when pastor Mark said those words yesterday at church, I immediately felt like I should post them as my status on facebook. Did I follow the call of the Spirit? Not so much. You see, I live in SEATTLE. The most pro-grass anti-baby city in the United States, perhaps. God... He always asks us to do things that are so uncomfortable!
But now that the status is on my page and I'm fearfully awaiting replies of condemnation... Here are the views that I've formed on this topic, after painful research and a lot of analysis. They are, of course, much easier said than done, and I really really hope that I will never be in a situation to have to prove how strong my convictions are.
Abortion is NEVER an option in my mind. I'm not even going to go into serious discussion about such weak arguments as "not being ready" for a baby and a woman's right to choose. I'm very pro a woman's right to choose. Execute that right when you are deciding to be promiscuous and have sex before marriage. Execute that right to think about the consequences of your actions before you jump into bed with a man who doesn't want to father a child and is not your husband. If you are married and still not ready for a baby and it comes anyways... Hopefully you have considered that there IS a chance of that. Is financial stability or a career really worth more than a LIFE to you?
The more difficult arguments are the ones worthy of discussion. What if you were raped?
My take is to still keep the child. It's not the baby's fault. And no matter how unfathomably painful it was, is, or will be... know that God can turn people's sin against you into a good thing. He never meant for you to get hurt in such an inhumane way. And it wasn't your choice to conceive. But it IS your choice to keep a life. I don't really want to go into more discussion about this because I don't want to seem insensitive or unloving to victims of rape. I have no understanding of what they go through, and I actually hope to never gain that understanding. All I want them to know is that I've thought and prayed about this for a long time, and it's not a fed-from-the-pulpit cliché that I'm repeating to appear righteous.
Another situation I hope to never be in is having to choose between your life and the babies'. What if the doctors say that if there is no abortion, the mother will die from complications? If the baby lives, I'm ready to give up my life for him or her. But what if there's very small chance that either one survives? Then take it. Take the chance that your child will live. Once again, this is a complicated, complicated matter that I feel like I have no right to talk about because I've never been in either situation, and hope to never have to be in it. But I feel convicted to state my beliefs. So here they all are.
If you have more arguments, opinions, or situations, please PLEASE comment! I would like to be aware of them, if nothing else, because this is a topic I actually care about quite a bit. Even though it took a lot of guts to bring it up.
But now that the status is on my page and I'm fearfully awaiting replies of condemnation... Here are the views that I've formed on this topic, after painful research and a lot of analysis. They are, of course, much easier said than done, and I really really hope that I will never be in a situation to have to prove how strong my convictions are.
Abortion is NEVER an option in my mind. I'm not even going to go into serious discussion about such weak arguments as "not being ready" for a baby and a woman's right to choose. I'm very pro a woman's right to choose. Execute that right when you are deciding to be promiscuous and have sex before marriage. Execute that right to think about the consequences of your actions before you jump into bed with a man who doesn't want to father a child and is not your husband. If you are married and still not ready for a baby and it comes anyways... Hopefully you have considered that there IS a chance of that. Is financial stability or a career really worth more than a LIFE to you?
The more difficult arguments are the ones worthy of discussion. What if you were raped?
My take is to still keep the child. It's not the baby's fault. And no matter how unfathomably painful it was, is, or will be... know that God can turn people's sin against you into a good thing. He never meant for you to get hurt in such an inhumane way. And it wasn't your choice to conceive. But it IS your choice to keep a life. I don't really want to go into more discussion about this because I don't want to seem insensitive or unloving to victims of rape. I have no understanding of what they go through, and I actually hope to never gain that understanding. All I want them to know is that I've thought and prayed about this for a long time, and it's not a fed-from-the-pulpit cliché that I'm repeating to appear righteous.
Another situation I hope to never be in is having to choose between your life and the babies'. What if the doctors say that if there is no abortion, the mother will die from complications? If the baby lives, I'm ready to give up my life for him or her. But what if there's very small chance that either one survives? Then take it. Take the chance that your child will live. Once again, this is a complicated, complicated matter that I feel like I have no right to talk about because I've never been in either situation, and hope to never have to be in it. But I feel convicted to state my beliefs. So here they all are.
If you have more arguments, opinions, or situations, please PLEASE comment! I would like to be aware of them, if nothing else, because this is a topic I actually care about quite a bit. Even though it took a lot of guts to bring it up.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Faithful Friend
So I spent a good couple hours writing, proof reading, and editing a really heartfelt post. And then it got erased. At first I figured it's not meant to be. But after a little analysis I figured someone must have REALLY needed to hear what I had to say, and the enemy was, of course, there to meddle and disrupt things. Fortunately, God has blessed us with a wonderful capability called "memory." So after a few minutes I was able to restore, pretty accurately, what I have written before. So here is, to the best of my ability, a heartfelt post dedicated to all my friends.
In fear that if a non-believer should read it, it might turn them off to church completely, I still published my previous post. I want to be open about all of my experiences in the walk with God. But immediately after publishing it, and as if to counter-balance what it said, God has placed a desire on my heart to share the miracle that he has accomplished in my life in the past year. That miracle is true, fulfilling, God-centered friendships. And not just a couple of them.
It all started last November, when I dedicated my life to Christ at the Disciple's conference in Everett, WA. That's not when I got saved. I've been saved and serving since I was 10. This call was to fully commit our entire lives to God, holding nothing back, and after a heck of an internal struggle, I did it. And that changed EVERYTHING.
My pointless lifestyle was the first thing that had to go. I am not saying that it was bad, because it wasn't. I wasn't getting drunk, smoking, doing drugs or sleeping around. But my life wasn't centered around Christ. Music, coffee, hanging out, doing stuff -- yes. But Christ wasn't in on it all. And any attempts to bring Him in felt awkward, unwanted and unwelcome. So I gradually detached myself.
It felt like ripping duct tape off a fresh burn. Growing apart with friends who have been there through thick and thin inflicted insane amounts of pain. It's not like any of us planned for it -- at least I didn't. But more and more I felt like I didn't belong. And that translated into my relationships. Friendships started feeling unnatural and less and less open. Eventually, they withered away. And was I happy about all the time I suddenly had to spend with Jesus? Not at the least.
I felt unloved, unwanted, betrayed, uncertain, insecure, bored, lonely and alone. The world as I knew it for three years slowly fell apart. But I was determined not to go back to it, no matter how out of my comfort zone it all felt. And Jesus was determined to help me. The biggest fear of mine was not being invited places and having anything to do on a given night. The thought of having nowhere to go on a weekend threw me into panic. (Never mind that the few weekends I did spend at home in the past were the most revitalizing and relaxing ones ever!) But by God's grace my fear didn't realize even once since I left my comfy crowd. And by now, I can actually safely say that it's completely gone.
Another thing that killed were all the memories of old friends and moments springing up around every corner throughout the city. For a while I didn't even want to consider getting to know anyone new. All I needed were MY girls. But once I gave people a chance, God poured amazing friendships into my life. Some were brand new. Some were restored. Some I didn't put as much effort into as I should have (But I'm hoping it's not too late! Ana, Ani, Ally...) And some turned into something amazing that I never knew existed before -- friendships where Christ was the center. It's priceless when you can tell a friend anything and their first reaction is to pray with you and for you. You can't buy a friend who will tell you the honest truth and you will trust it because you know they are in a loving relationship with Christ and are saying things to you out of love instead of spitefulness, resentment, or selfishness. It's indescribable when Christ is the glue that holds a friendship together. Because that glue is eternal, and will never go away, no matter what happens.
I'll admit. I'm not as emotionally attached to... or I should rather say dependent on... any of my girls right now as I was on the friends before. But I am actually being deliberately careful not to allow that again, because the only individual on whom we should depend is Christ. He is the only faithful friend we can ever fully count on. But at least I know now that my desire to cultivate a frienship around Christ is reciprocated by the other side. That we can be honest and open with one another without holding anything back. And I learned that apparently I have a lot more of myself to give to others than I ever imagined I had time and energy for. I am praying for, and excited for what God has in store for each and every one of those new relationships. The pain from my past is almost gone, and instead I now have overwhelming joy that only God can give. There isn't a day though when I don't pray for my old relationships to be restored. But only in Him.
To all my loves -- old and new: Jenny, Eva, Dina, Diana, Tane4ka, Inna, Anna, Veroni4ka, Vika, Anya, Melissa, Tembi, Carlette, Lido4ka, Alenka, Liduska, Lyuba, Angela, Jennster, Sveto4ka, Ira, Sonka, Natashka, Maria, Aryana, Ana, Katy, and Ally.
In fear that if a non-believer should read it, it might turn them off to church completely, I still published my previous post. I want to be open about all of my experiences in the walk with God. But immediately after publishing it, and as if to counter-balance what it said, God has placed a desire on my heart to share the miracle that he has accomplished in my life in the past year. That miracle is true, fulfilling, God-centered friendships. And not just a couple of them.
It all started last November, when I dedicated my life to Christ at the Disciple's conference in Everett, WA. That's not when I got saved. I've been saved and serving since I was 10. This call was to fully commit our entire lives to God, holding nothing back, and after a heck of an internal struggle, I did it. And that changed EVERYTHING.
My pointless lifestyle was the first thing that had to go. I am not saying that it was bad, because it wasn't. I wasn't getting drunk, smoking, doing drugs or sleeping around. But my life wasn't centered around Christ. Music, coffee, hanging out, doing stuff -- yes. But Christ wasn't in on it all. And any attempts to bring Him in felt awkward, unwanted and unwelcome. So I gradually detached myself.
It felt like ripping duct tape off a fresh burn. Growing apart with friends who have been there through thick and thin inflicted insane amounts of pain. It's not like any of us planned for it -- at least I didn't. But more and more I felt like I didn't belong. And that translated into my relationships. Friendships started feeling unnatural and less and less open. Eventually, they withered away. And was I happy about all the time I suddenly had to spend with Jesus? Not at the least.
I felt unloved, unwanted, betrayed, uncertain, insecure, bored, lonely and alone. The world as I knew it for three years slowly fell apart. But I was determined not to go back to it, no matter how out of my comfort zone it all felt. And Jesus was determined to help me. The biggest fear of mine was not being invited places and having anything to do on a given night. The thought of having nowhere to go on a weekend threw me into panic. (Never mind that the few weekends I did spend at home in the past were the most revitalizing and relaxing ones ever!) But by God's grace my fear didn't realize even once since I left my comfy crowd. And by now, I can actually safely say that it's completely gone.
Another thing that killed were all the memories of old friends and moments springing up around every corner throughout the city. For a while I didn't even want to consider getting to know anyone new. All I needed were MY girls. But once I gave people a chance, God poured amazing friendships into my life. Some were brand new. Some were restored. Some I didn't put as much effort into as I should have (But I'm hoping it's not too late! Ana, Ani, Ally...) And some turned into something amazing that I never knew existed before -- friendships where Christ was the center. It's priceless when you can tell a friend anything and their first reaction is to pray with you and for you. You can't buy a friend who will tell you the honest truth and you will trust it because you know they are in a loving relationship with Christ and are saying things to you out of love instead of spitefulness, resentment, or selfishness. It's indescribable when Christ is the glue that holds a friendship together. Because that glue is eternal, and will never go away, no matter what happens.
I'll admit. I'm not as emotionally attached to... or I should rather say dependent on... any of my girls right now as I was on the friends before. But I am actually being deliberately careful not to allow that again, because the only individual on whom we should depend is Christ. He is the only faithful friend we can ever fully count on. But at least I know now that my desire to cultivate a frienship around Christ is reciprocated by the other side. That we can be honest and open with one another without holding anything back. And I learned that apparently I have a lot more of myself to give to others than I ever imagined I had time and energy for. I am praying for, and excited for what God has in store for each and every one of those new relationships. The pain from my past is almost gone, and instead I now have overwhelming joy that only God can give. There isn't a day though when I don't pray for my old relationships to be restored. But only in Him.
To all my loves -- old and new: Jenny, Eva, Dina, Diana, Tane4ka, Inna, Anna, Veroni4ka, Vika, Anya, Melissa, Tembi, Carlette, Lido4ka, Alenka, Liduska, Lyuba, Angela, Jennster, Sveto4ka, Ira, Sonka, Natashka, Maria, Aryana, Ana, Katy, and Ally.
Loving One Another
I'll make up for my silence yesterday (was being productive at work) and write two posts today. This topic is relevant to so many people, that I don't understand why this is still even an issue. An unfathomable amount of us out there doesn't feel comfortable around our brothers and sisters in Christ. I will admit, I am among the first ones in line. There's barely a youth gathering that doesn't make me feel defensive, and lost at what to do, what to say, and how to act. The reason I see behind this is simply the narrow-mindedness of people stuck in the same denomination, and sometimes even the same church, since birth. Don't get me wrong, they are totally loving and accepting. But only to those who think the same way and have the same point of view as them on all topics.
I think that it's incredibly stupid to think that Baptists/Pentecostals/Calvinists/Anythingelseists are the only collections of humans that will go to heaven. The irony is that all denominations actually think THE SAME in that respect, and only a select few individuals dare to have a different opinion. But even if they do, it's usually expressed in a way that clearly underlines the superiority of THEIR denomination. Knowing good Christians in another denomination is admitted to with a clear understanding that it will extract shock from co-denominational audience. And certainly as an exception -- not the rule.
Simple inconsideration is often passed for fervor to stand up for the truth. A recent example of that happened right in my backyard, when six Baptist men attacked my friend from a conservative Calvinist church about the topic of pre-destination. She stood her ground, and actually expressed joy over the fact that they are interested in this topic instead of a worldly discussion of jobs and school. But the fact stays the same. They ganged up on her, which wasn't a loving thing to do. It made her feel unwelcome, it made them feel uncomfortable, and it made me, as a host, completely at a loss for words and actions. True, uncomfortable topics need to be brought up. But such a debate as pre-destination -- unsolved for CENTURIES (probably for a reason!) -- was not going to be settled upon in a couple hours by the fire by a group of twenty-somethings!
It would have been much better if instead the topic we talked about was Christs' sacrifice for ALL of us. The forgiveness of sin, and the eternal life that He allowed us to gain through his death and resurrection. The topic that unites all denominations and that SHOULD be the main focus of any group of Christians coming together. It all comes down to that same commandment that Jesus left us in the New Testament... to LOVE. If we all remembered that when we came together, life would be so much easier, and everyone would feel SO much more accepted in the place where love and acceptance should reign more than in any other on earth!
Once someone told me golden words of wisdom: "Do not expect anything from anyone." They do make life much easier. But when over, and over, I go into bible studies, youth services, and bonfires expecting nothing good... It's just sad.
I think that it's incredibly stupid to think that Baptists/Pentecostals/Calvinists/Anythingelseists are the only collections of humans that will go to heaven. The irony is that all denominations actually think THE SAME in that respect, and only a select few individuals dare to have a different opinion. But even if they do, it's usually expressed in a way that clearly underlines the superiority of THEIR denomination. Knowing good Christians in another denomination is admitted to with a clear understanding that it will extract shock from co-denominational audience. And certainly as an exception -- not the rule.
Simple inconsideration is often passed for fervor to stand up for the truth. A recent example of that happened right in my backyard, when six Baptist men attacked my friend from a conservative Calvinist church about the topic of pre-destination. She stood her ground, and actually expressed joy over the fact that they are interested in this topic instead of a worldly discussion of jobs and school. But the fact stays the same. They ganged up on her, which wasn't a loving thing to do. It made her feel unwelcome, it made them feel uncomfortable, and it made me, as a host, completely at a loss for words and actions. True, uncomfortable topics need to be brought up. But such a debate as pre-destination -- unsolved for CENTURIES (probably for a reason!) -- was not going to be settled upon in a couple hours by the fire by a group of twenty-somethings!
It would have been much better if instead the topic we talked about was Christs' sacrifice for ALL of us. The forgiveness of sin, and the eternal life that He allowed us to gain through his death and resurrection. The topic that unites all denominations and that SHOULD be the main focus of any group of Christians coming together. It all comes down to that same commandment that Jesus left us in the New Testament... to LOVE. If we all remembered that when we came together, life would be so much easier, and everyone would feel SO much more accepted in the place where love and acceptance should reign more than in any other on earth!
Once someone told me golden words of wisdom: "Do not expect anything from anyone." They do make life much easier. But when over, and over, I go into bible studies, youth services, and bonfires expecting nothing good... It's just sad.
The Living Word
God has always been gracious to me in a sense that His word is never silent. I've heard lots and LOTS of stories about the bible stopping to speak after the person has been reading it for a while. It would be easy to judge and look for faults in the people to whom God stopped speaking. Except I don't think they are exaggerating, and the only thing I pray for that it NEVER happens to me. And it hasn't yet, for which I am indescribably grateful to Him.
In fact, sometimes He is so loud and clear that you can't hold back the tears because of His goodness. Yesterday for the first time in my life I cried at His words. It was truly a moving moment for me, in a sense that His reply was so immediate, so direct, and so affirmative. This is what happened:
I jotted down two sentences in my journal. "Today I realized that I would give up anything for worship. Not for singing on stage, but for the pure heart and connection with God through which others can also be blessed." Well, God must have liked that. A lot. Because the next thing I knew, He was speaking to me through His word. I opened my bible on Psalm 42 (Russian Psalm 41.) The last verse read "I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!" Could He be more clear?! Of course, at this point I was bawling, because an immediate, clear, and direct promise like that was unexpected, at the least. The strongest confirmation of Him speaking to me was the fact that I actually read the same psalm the night before and the verse definitely didn't jump out then. I read over it, like anything else, and went to sleep untouched.
Immediately after realizing what God is saying I wrote down how awesome He is. The best thing was that He didn't stop at that one verse. I kept reading. And low and behold, the very next psalm ended in... the same exact words! Not too many times God repeats himself. It was like a confirmation -- you are listening right. I AM speaking to you. I did NOT forsake you, you are My child, and I value our relationship and your praise. More than you can ever imagine. Enough to speak to you directly through My word.
When you seek God, run to Him, and open up your heart... He speaks. All you gotta do is listen.
In fact, sometimes He is so loud and clear that you can't hold back the tears because of His goodness. Yesterday for the first time in my life I cried at His words. It was truly a moving moment for me, in a sense that His reply was so immediate, so direct, and so affirmative. This is what happened:
I jotted down two sentences in my journal. "Today I realized that I would give up anything for worship. Not for singing on stage, but for the pure heart and connection with God through which others can also be blessed." Well, God must have liked that. A lot. Because the next thing I knew, He was speaking to me through His word. I opened my bible on Psalm 42 (Russian Psalm 41.) The last verse read "I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!" Could He be more clear?! Of course, at this point I was bawling, because an immediate, clear, and direct promise like that was unexpected, at the least. The strongest confirmation of Him speaking to me was the fact that I actually read the same psalm the night before and the verse definitely didn't jump out then. I read over it, like anything else, and went to sleep untouched.
Immediately after realizing what God is saying I wrote down how awesome He is. The best thing was that He didn't stop at that one verse. I kept reading. And low and behold, the very next psalm ended in... the same exact words! Not too many times God repeats himself. It was like a confirmation -- you are listening right. I AM speaking to you. I did NOT forsake you, you are My child, and I value our relationship and your praise. More than you can ever imagine. Enough to speak to you directly through My word.
When you seek God, run to Him, and open up your heart... He speaks. All you gotta do is listen.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
A Heart to Worship
This topic is probably more dear to my heart than any other of all the numerous aspects that the bible touches upon and God blesses us with. To me, worship is the most wonderful act that God allows us to do. Worship is why heaven is going to be such a wonderful place. And if you don't feel that way, you probably have never experienced it the way God intended us to. Worship can be expressed through any number of outlets in our lives. It's not limited to just one or two. But within each one it allows us to feel the presence of God closer than usual, and to feel wrapped in his love.
My outlet for worship is music. My heart longs for opportunities to praise Him through song. I pour out to Him every time I sing or play. And the experience is indescribable every time. The closeness of God that I feel, the tingling of the Holy Spirit falling over my body, the joy that fills my heart, are all so fulfilling, and so wonderful, that I can't wait until next time that I can raise my voice to God. I value this experience. And what I value most about it is the fact that God hears me no matter where or how I'm singing to Him, and loves it just the same.
It's easy to open up to people who love you, support you, understand you, and encourage you. It's much riskier to do that for those who put you down, judge, and slander. I don't think I'm at a point yet when I can be completely open about certain things with everyone. I actually think it's unwise. But I will say this. In my life, God has taught me some serious lessons, and one of them was to value worship. Recently God has cut off every outlet I had for expressing worship through music. Some were taken away because of my sin, and I know it. (Although if you are reading this and applying to what you know about me... it's probably not the outlet you're thinking of and most definitely not the sin!) Others were cut off through circumstances having nothing to do with me.
For the first time in my life, I am involved in no ministry involving beloved music. It's weird. That's the only word. I was ready to let go of every single part of it that God was taking away. And I'm having a great time figuring out who I am and who He wants me to be with no extra factors influencing my thoughts, analysis and decisions. But one thing God did not take away from me, and that's the songs. Every time I draw close to Him, He gives me one. I don't know why, for what purpose, or at what time He'll choose to use me through them. But I am praying for a way to realize everything currently playing in my head.
There are some things about worship that nobody can ever take away. It's the desire to glorify God through song. It's the realization that He hears us no matter where or how we're worshipping. I can't express just how greateful I am for that. It's the desire to be used for His purpose, at His time and in His way. And one to keep the heart pure, and open for Him to fill with song and love, out of the overflow of which we can love and bless others. It's the heart to worship.
My outlet for worship is music. My heart longs for opportunities to praise Him through song. I pour out to Him every time I sing or play. And the experience is indescribable every time. The closeness of God that I feel, the tingling of the Holy Spirit falling over my body, the joy that fills my heart, are all so fulfilling, and so wonderful, that I can't wait until next time that I can raise my voice to God. I value this experience. And what I value most about it is the fact that God hears me no matter where or how I'm singing to Him, and loves it just the same.
It's easy to open up to people who love you, support you, understand you, and encourage you. It's much riskier to do that for those who put you down, judge, and slander. I don't think I'm at a point yet when I can be completely open about certain things with everyone. I actually think it's unwise. But I will say this. In my life, God has taught me some serious lessons, and one of them was to value worship. Recently God has cut off every outlet I had for expressing worship through music. Some were taken away because of my sin, and I know it. (Although if you are reading this and applying to what you know about me... it's probably not the outlet you're thinking of and most definitely not the sin!) Others were cut off through circumstances having nothing to do with me.
For the first time in my life, I am involved in no ministry involving beloved music. It's weird. That's the only word. I was ready to let go of every single part of it that God was taking away. And I'm having a great time figuring out who I am and who He wants me to be with no extra factors influencing my thoughts, analysis and decisions. But one thing God did not take away from me, and that's the songs. Every time I draw close to Him, He gives me one. I don't know why, for what purpose, or at what time He'll choose to use me through them. But I am praying for a way to realize everything currently playing in my head.
There are some things about worship that nobody can ever take away. It's the desire to glorify God through song. It's the realization that He hears us no matter where or how we're worshipping. I can't express just how greateful I am for that. It's the desire to be used for His purpose, at His time and in His way. And one to keep the heart pure, and open for Him to fill with song and love, out of the overflow of which we can love and bless others. It's the heart to worship.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Background Information
In my first official post I would like to publicly proclaim that I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that He died for my sins, and through His sacrifice I have salvation because I confessed my sin and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. That's the essence of it.
I would also like to tell you that God is real in my life, and that's a rare find among a lot of Christians today. I love God. I love talking to God. When I don't talk to Him for a while I miss God. I feel His blessings in my life and value His leadership and control over it. I'm sad when I disappoint God. But often I struggle with fighting sin (like any believer). Especially in those areas of life that are grey or pose a fine line between sin and purity.
My background is very different from anyone who'd call me a peer. This makes me a controversial addition to any church or bible study... And a very inconvenient one in most cases. But I don't care. Because my point in life is to obey God, and not to please people. I grew up in a Russian Baptist church until I was 10, at which point my family moved to the United States to work at an Assembly's of God bible college. Most students came from Pentecostal churches, so I was immersed in everything Pentecostal for the next 7 years. For the past 4 years I've been attending a Reformed Calvinist church by the title of Mars Hill on a regular basis. So my point of view on God and His Word is drastically different from most people I meet.
I thirst for God's truth, and desire to back any convictions up by His word. Whenever I see people messing with biblical doctrine, it makes me mad. And gives me a good opportunity to love and forgive. Which, unfortunately, I often pass on. Once in a while I like to play the "Devil's Advocate," which people in secure Christian bubbles tend to take radically bad. My point is not to offend, but to make people aware there might be other points of view to consider.
I find it easy to love non-believers. I find it hard to love a lot of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But I am aware of the problem, and am praying for an even bigger overflow of God's love in my life, so that there's enough for annoying "know-it-alls" as well.
I don't know or claim to know everything. I have A LOT of questions about the bible, actually. And I hate when people try to extract my opinion on something I don't have one on yet. I just don't feel like I need to have an opinion on everything. I am easy to convince when presented with logical evidence backed up by The Word. And I like to base my own opinions on that as well. This said, if one has already formed, there's very little chance you'll change it, because it's most likely based on years of research, praying, and looking for an answer. But if it hasn't formed... Don't ask me to answer tricky questions looking solely for wrong vocabulary to comment on to prove your point. That's not loving. And your point will not be taken seriously.
Let's see, what else... I think that about covers it. With this knowledge, feel free to comment, dispute, and state your opinion on anything I post. Just remember that the only commandment God has left us in the new testament is to LOVE....
I would also like to tell you that God is real in my life, and that's a rare find among a lot of Christians today. I love God. I love talking to God. When I don't talk to Him for a while I miss God. I feel His blessings in my life and value His leadership and control over it. I'm sad when I disappoint God. But often I struggle with fighting sin (like any believer). Especially in those areas of life that are grey or pose a fine line between sin and purity.
My background is very different from anyone who'd call me a peer. This makes me a controversial addition to any church or bible study... And a very inconvenient one in most cases. But I don't care. Because my point in life is to obey God, and not to please people. I grew up in a Russian Baptist church until I was 10, at which point my family moved to the United States to work at an Assembly's of God bible college. Most students came from Pentecostal churches, so I was immersed in everything Pentecostal for the next 7 years. For the past 4 years I've been attending a Reformed Calvinist church by the title of Mars Hill on a regular basis. So my point of view on God and His Word is drastically different from most people I meet.
I thirst for God's truth, and desire to back any convictions up by His word. Whenever I see people messing with biblical doctrine, it makes me mad. And gives me a good opportunity to love and forgive. Which, unfortunately, I often pass on. Once in a while I like to play the "Devil's Advocate," which people in secure Christian bubbles tend to take radically bad. My point is not to offend, but to make people aware there might be other points of view to consider.
I find it easy to love non-believers. I find it hard to love a lot of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But I am aware of the problem, and am praying for an even bigger overflow of God's love in my life, so that there's enough for annoying "know-it-alls" as well.
I don't know or claim to know everything. I have A LOT of questions about the bible, actually. And I hate when people try to extract my opinion on something I don't have one on yet. I just don't feel like I need to have an opinion on everything. I am easy to convince when presented with logical evidence backed up by The Word. And I like to base my own opinions on that as well. This said, if one has already formed, there's very little chance you'll change it, because it's most likely based on years of research, praying, and looking for an answer. But if it hasn't formed... Don't ask me to answer tricky questions looking solely for wrong vocabulary to comment on to prove your point. That's not loving. And your point will not be taken seriously.
Let's see, what else... I think that about covers it. With this knowledge, feel free to comment, dispute, and state your opinion on anything I post. Just remember that the only commandment God has left us in the new testament is to LOVE....
Inspiration to Start
My inspiration to start this blog came from a Mars Hill sermon on September 13th, 2009. Pastor Mark Driscoll mentioned this in passing, and I doubt many people noticed it, but the words spoke to me loud and clear. "Will I blog about my faith?" In my main blog the topic of faith comes up often, but never as in-depth as sometimes I would like, since it's intended to be somewhat of a light-read. But God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are much more important in my life than anyone or anything else, and therefore definitely deserve a separate blog! And why I didnt think of this before is a mystery to me. But His call was clear on Sunday that I need to glorify Him through my writing. So my answer to this calls is:
"Yes. I WILL blog about my faith!!!"
"Yes. I WILL blog about my faith!!!"
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