Resentment and Restoration

Last night was amazing. I am blessed to be part of a prayer group in which we openly talk about our lives and problems and pray over each other. Due to an unexpected increase in traffic to my profile yesterday, I suddenly realized that what I write on my blogs is also a ministry that I need to pray for and dedicate to God, acknowledging Him in all my ways. The prayer that one of the girls said for that ministry was convicting for me. She asked God to speak through me and touch others' lives, so that my posts won't be based even on personal experience, but on His word, and His inspiration.

I don't believe she meant using situations from the past as examples. It seems more likely that my unresolved feelings of resentment towards certain people might have taken over the voice of the Lord in some of my writing. So I would like to apologize for that being the case. I will not take anything I wrote off my blog. I believe that the bad feelings we work through are also part of our walk with Christ, and people need to know that everyone faces challenges and isn't perfect. I also believe that sometimes our passionate jealousy for the truth of God's word isn't a bad thing, and needs to be expressed, even if it might go against tradition and generally accepted views.

I would like to own up to having resentment in my heart though. I actually just discovered it for certain people last week. For the past two or three years I've been stifling my resentment and trying to forget about those people and their actions, but a miniscule comment made it all rush back, overtaking my mind like a river that suddenly floods. What I needed to do all these years is not hide my resentment. I needed to bring it to God, confess it as a sin, and ask for forgiveness and help to work through it! God has done an amazing job of restoring my life in every single aspect of it. He continues to work. And boy does He have a lot to work on. Things from the past have been coming back to me lately. Feelings that need to be dealt with once and for all have been surfacing out of nowhere. It's difficult, but I am learning to fully rely on the Holy Spirit, and it's with His power that I deal with those feelings, not my own. (Obviously my own power only made them go away for a little bit.)

I'm not sure exactly what steps I need to take to have peace about certain situations that took place in my life. But it's one more thing that I'm praying about, and I believe that He will direct my path. Because nothing is impossible for God, and He can heal a broken heart and fill it with love for EVERYONE.