Grace... Again

Sometimes I feel like an idiot. I can tell that God is talking to me, and I can even tell what the main theme of His communication is. But I have trouble applying it to my life and specific situations because it seems... well.... not applicable! He also seems to speak in global themes for a short amount of time. In the beginning of this summer He was speaking about restoration. Last spring it was prayer. The end of August I clearly heard about using time wisely but couldn't make out exactly for what I'm supposed to use it. Now it's grace. And there is no bigger topic than that in my life.

The reason why I feel stupid is because I thought that whatever there was to know about grace I knew because I lived through it (a ridiculous statement, I know). And now I can clearly tell that God is reminding me about it, but I don't know if something will happen for which I will need it again or whether I need to use some on others. Or if it's just a friendly reminder: there's this topic that you, as My child, need to know about and always remember. Here's a review... Has anyone else ever had that happen in their walk with God? You'd think that He would keep talking until I got exactly what's up. And He does do that when I need answers for specifics in my life. But not when it's global themes like this. THIS He likes to switch around all the time. He spends maybe a month to a month and a half on a topic and then changes it up. And I don't know why!!! I remember the topics for a long time, as you can tell. I just don't know where exactly to use them or whether I'm supposed to at all. But back to grace.

Growing up in a Christian home, I've always been aware of the word. I understood it in my mind as a concept applicable to sinners. I never really tied it to love until God drove the point home in the way that I least expected. But that's the best thing about grace I guess. You never expect it. I really wish that I could share all the details of my experience with the world, but for fear that it might be taken the wrong way, I will stick to general concepts and lessons learned.

I have sinned against God once again, and once again I was remorseful and wallowing in guilt because of what I've done. But the worst thing was that I didn't feel like I had the power to truly carry out my promise, once again, to never repeat that sin. God knew it too, and in my heart, I knew that there would be repercussions for what I've done. I also sensed exactly what it was going to be. I'd have to give up one of the ministries that I was involved in -- the one I loved the most and it appeared unthinkable to drop. Months passed, as God graciously prepared my heart and mind for the realization that it will truly happen. Once I settled with the thought that I will have to leave, He carried out His discipline and took that ministry away. But the people involved didn't exactly act like instruments in His hands. What the people thought I'd done wasn't true in the slightest bit. A lot of slander and gossip was involved, as they acted exactly like the people from Psalm 68:26 "To the one You have punished, they add insult to injury; they add to the pain of those You have hurt."

Through my walk with God I knew that the only thing that matters is where I stand before Him rather than what the people think. Thoroughly confused though about what I've really done and what others were saying I've done, I ran to Him fully expecting, ready for, and open to condemnation, rebuke, and judgment, since that's what the people around me were expressing. What I unexpectedly found instead was a shower of grace poured out on my life through my personal reading and through the sermons I heard at all sorts of different churches and services. The message I got was loud and clear. I love you. I know about all of the sins that you have committed and will commit. And I've loved you even before you were born all the while knowing about that. That's why I sent My Son to take your place. I don't love you any less when you have sinned or any more when you don't. I am your father, and although I discipline you, I will ALWAYS keep loving you the same way, regardless of your actions against Me. When you take one step back towards Me, I will run to you and embrace you in My loving arms to comfort, protect, and provide for you. I'm glad you returned to Me again, and all I want to do now is show you My heavenly love...

Of course that made me realize how grace works on an entirely different level. And I guess a healthy reminder never hurt anyone. I'd like to thank my Mars Hill small group for inspiring me to write about this. And Katy. Girl you've been a blessing in my life on more than one occasion and I'm just extremely happy that I can somehow be involved in what God is doing in yours, because it's incredible. Keep living out his word, and truly acting as His instrument, because it affects others in ways you can't even imagine.