Please read my previous post here before starting this one.
My game with indifference didn't end well. That's why I haven't written anything for a year and a half. It slowly sucked me into an ungodly relationship with a man who wasn't a hypocrite, but also wasn't a christian. It took close to two years to snap me out of it, of back-and-forth with the Holy Spirit, and at the end, indifference is the last thing that I'm feeling. Incredible indifference didn't save me from incredible pain. I finally left the relationship, in obedience to the Holy Spirit. But I didn't want to. What I am feeling right now is pain, anger, more pain, more pain, more pain. And I hear that's o.k., as those emotions are a natural part of the grieving process. Although with my mind I comprehend that obedience to God can only bring good things because He is a good God, right now the good seems very far away.
If you were one of the people praying for me through the last year and a half, please don't stop. NOW is when I need prayer the most. If you had no clue about what's going on and weren't praying for me, please pray right now. Being needy is not my forte -- I'm used to being the one friends go to for support. Asking for support is difficult; it's humbling. That's what a christian community is for though and I am going to take advantage of it this time. Right now I can only read, write, and listen. I'm not really talking because it makes me cry more. And I've been crying none-stop for the last 72 hours. Had no idea a person has so many tears in them. Please pray for me. If God puts a verse on your heart, please share it with me. Even if I don't respond, please know that I am extremely thankful for it.
I'm thankful for worship music. Praying is difficult because it's also talking and brings on more crying, but when I listen to worship right now, I think "yes, that Jesus, what they're singing, that's what I want to say to You."
I intend to be transparent, as always when I am walking with God. Hopefully some day He can use me to get someone else through a similar situation. Right now there is no energy or spiritual strength in me for that. All I can do is focus on God. Immerse myself in the word and in christian community and fellowship. I missed Jesus. I missed worship. I missed having open conversations with my closest friends. I missed His word. I missed communion. No amount of pain is worse than being separated from God by sin.
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ReplyDeleteLuke 15:20 - Isaiah 1:18 - John 1:29 - 2 Corinthians 5:21. In that order.
ReplyDelete"As wounds mar the chosen one which brings many sons and daughters to glory. Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon his shoulders; ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished."
Anastasia,
ReplyDelete"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor. 4:17-18)
Lord, THANK YOU so much for your work in Anastasia's life. Thank you for your GOODness that leads us to repentance Father, and thank you for your undeniable conviction that leads us to freedom. I pray you're with Anastasia in this moment Father - that as she draws near to you in the midst of absolute heartbreak, you would draw near to her. Be in her midst Lord, be in her every thought, meet her in the most intimate moments and comfort her as she weeps. I pray against the Devil, his demons - their works and effects, Lord. I pray as you shine your light into Anastasia's life that she would see it clearly and unobscured, God. Continue to show Anastasia your goodness, and your love which is better than life.
I love you, my friend. Know that I although I am grieving with you, I'm absolutely overjoyed to read this news. Even in the midst of brokenness, there is no greater joy than treasuring the Lord above all else. I pray you're able to look back on this moment and remember not only the pain, but the sweetness and absolutely all-satisfying presence of our Lord.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6)
Stephanie G.
No amount of pain is worse than being separated from God by sin...and here He is with you. I'm almost without words as I just finished reading this, but what came to mind is Romans 8...all of it.
ReplyDeleteYou have just wowed me with your strength; talk about no fear & faith! My blood pressure went up thinking what on earth does God have in store for you. Something's coming because this decision I KNOW was near impossible. God fought hard for you on this one & wasn't going to let you be. Um, yeah girl; in the words of Pastor Judah 2wks ago "I believe this is going to be the most meaningful, satisfying, and fulfilling year of your life."
I just prayed for you to get right to work. I pray this time of mourning will not be long, your new day begins every day and remember that you are His & you always were. You don't need to make up for the past, time means nothing to God. Take those gifts, take that renewed spirit, take the strength He gives you, & go. It's not for you to know how your garden will grow, but if God gave you that seed...plant it & water it & see what happens!
Love you girl & fyi...you just helped me let go of the little bit of sorrow I was still holding onto. Thank You for giving me faith that the best is on its way.
~Rho