One of my friends summarized me for the past year in a half with one sentence: "It's like you turned into a shadow." That description was right on. A shadow has no dimension. It has no shape. It has no personality, no color, and no will of its own. All that a shadow does is follow its person, and it cannot exist apart from them. My relationship has gradually brought me to a formless state where I lost my personality, calling, vision, and identity. As much as I tried to maintain that it wasn't true, my life revolved around that relationship. The breakup, therefore, felt like taking the person away from the shadow. It seemed as if without him I could not exist.
God's love, of course, has a way of turning things around. Immediately after the shadow description came about, He began to speak to me through that example. The first word came from one of the wonderful friends who made sure I have food put in front of me the first week after the breakup (I kept forgetting to eat. But that's definitely over now. Love cannot replace food.) He pointed to the passage in Acts. As Peter walked through the streets, people would bring their sick, and lay them where he was supposed to pass, so that his shadow could touch them and they would be healed. God used a mere shadow to release His power for His purpose.
The second word came the following Sunday, from another friend who happened to be preaching that day. He talked about God creating the earth. "Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Genesis 1:2. In six days, God made something formless, empty, and dark (like a shadow!) into a beautiful planet. And at the very end, he breathed life into it.
I am nowhere near completely healed, nor will I be for a while. But I am doing a lot better than I expected. I am holding on to the promises of God to make something beautiful out of the emptiness and darkness. By faith I am holding on to my identity in Jesus Christ. Through Him, I feel alive. Because of Him, I am no longer a shadow.
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