Lies

Looking back at the beginning of my relationship, I recognize a mindset of lies which made it easy to fall into it for the long-term. I hope listing them will help someone else to avoid the trap.

1. "I've only ever felt valued and loved when I was dating non-christians vs. christians"

This is only half a lie, as that feeling was real. The danger here lies in comparing being in a relationship with those who don't know Christ personally with being in a relationship with "Christians". What we should be weighing it against instead, is our relationship with God. My ungodly relationship was better than any other one I've been in, which turned my SO into an idol. Everything I was doing was for him, and my life was centered around my relationship. At the end all that good wasn't worth being separated from Christ. Apart from Him I lost my identity.

2. "I am not head over heels in love and am not following my feelings. I'm obviously not going to marry this person, so what's the danger in a little dating and fun?"

The danger lies in being passive and not guarding your heart, which requires action. In my case, a little dating and fun very slowly and gradually turned into the love affair of a lifetime. The catch was that I didn't have to do anything drastic to get to that point. All I had to do is agree to dates, walks, dinners. The love that is developed over time vs. infatuation is a lot stronger and more difficult to let go of later on. It's amazing how separation from God can creep in one little step at a time, like a vine that is beautiful but chokes the plant that it surrounds.

3. "They will probably break up with me anyways. There's no way this will last."

Considering my own track record with relationships, and his reputation as a player, I sincerely didn't foresee anything going beyond a month, at most. I could have bet a million on him finding a new interest fast or me leaving before anyone got hurt. Well, sometimes reputations are dead wrong! Before I knew it, it's been four months. Then six. Then a year. Then difficult for me to leave, and turns out he wasn't going anywhere either.

If you are still in the beginning of the dating game, please don't play with fire, and run for your life. Before it's years too late, you love too much, and someone else takes the place of God in your life.